Good bye my friend. Quentin has left the living.

September 10th, 2009.
After a 10-month battle with renal cell (kidney) cancer, my former mentee, Quentin, passed away at the age of 23. We were partnered in a 1 year mentoring program with Colorado Youth at Risk in 2001, and have kept in touch ever since.

I met Quentin at the launch of our program at a retreat in the mountains. It was a transformational experience, with kids sharing emotional burdens they had carried with them. I talked with Quentin toward the end of the program and he was really pleasant and eager to be my friend. A few days later I ran into him and his mom in downtown Denver, which seemed like a sign that we were to be matched.

Over our year we had some good talks, and I listened to his life challenges. We filled a lot of our time together with activities; I took him snowboarding, which he was able to learn quickly, and he took me to the skate park, which gave me a sore ass after a failed attempt to launch into a half pipe. We had some disconnection as well, and I struggled with his determination to make decisions that a teenager with angst would make.

Since our program finished I have kept in contact with him primarily because of my relationship with his younger brother, Monty, who asked me to be his mentor after Quentin and I finished our year. I am also close with their mom, Isobel, who is a remarkably strong and able woman. Over the years I would occasionally meet Quentin for dinner. I think our greatest bond was our sense of humor, and being able to joke about anything. He could also share about his challenges in life with candor and had a very mature way of taking responsibility for his decisions. For a long time his life was not going in a lot of positive directions, and he didn’t work full time after dropping out of school. Two years ago his girlfriend became pregnant, and he stepped up to the challenge and started working multiple jobs to supporting his child since she was born in July 2008. I visited him 1 year ago, and he seemed to be doing quite well. He was really in love with his daughter, Brooklyn, and we had some good conversations. I saw him in a new light and realized that he was really a smart kid and spoke with great articulation.

It was tough to see him in May and June as his once-able body was deteriorating. Quentin was very encouraging of me and said some very special things about my work in Cambodia, and I was especially proud to hear it coming from him.

When I was about to start the 1-year mentoring program a friend said “that’s a life commitment,” wanting to get me present to the implications of getting involved with someone’s life. I figured I’d see how it went and not feel a burden to try it. It was never expected to end this way. But it lives on, and I am grateful for the experience of our time together, and reflect on how this prepared me for the path I have taken.

I am sad to be far away during this time, though it is of great consolation that Isobel is completely understanding. Quentin was a practical, non-sentimental person who would have supported me to stay and do my work. I have to say my farewells from afar.

There will be a memorial celebration of Quentin's life late next week, time and place to be determined. In lieu of flowers, people are asked to consider making a contribution to one of the following charities:
http://www.kidneycancer.org/
http://www.imtooyoungforthis.com/
and/or to the educational trust fund that that his mom has established for his 13-month-old daughter, Brooklyn Quianna Delgado:
Julie Riley, Trustee
c/o Julie Riley & Associates
2247 Kearney Street
Denver, CO 80207
720-974-0683
In addition, please visit the website
http://www.whyquit.com/
view the post for Quentin in the "Memorials" section, and consider becoming an advocate for smoking cessation and deterrence in your community. In the near future, his mom plans to begin developing a program to promote effective education, peer and mentor counseling, and support for young people at junior high and high school levels who are trying to avoid picking up the smoking addiction or are trying to kick the habit.

Peace,
Drew